All is not well... I have been suffering from a severe case of depression recently. I am not in the spirit of Christmas this year. I have had major car problems in the last few months. It seems that I fix one thing and then something else needs repair. Since I commute to Des Moines every day it is not something I can ignore. Getting a ride to and from work back to Winterset is not an easy feat. There are very few options. Moving to Des Moines is not an option because the cost of an place to live is double almost tripled from the amount I pay in Winterset. I don't have the funds to have a down payment and making car payments for 3 years is not something I care to or can afford to do at this time. Of course these repairs don't happen when it is convenient it seems just when things are getting caught up something else happens. It has been very hard to be faithful and to continue to believe in faith when these things are happening at a regular pace. I have realized that Christmas to me has become just another day.. Every year I taught my daughter that Christmas was about the birth of Christ..But I am not sure she even remembers that. SAD.........
I have been listening to Christmas music because I love it. I have focused on the religous ones. They have helped me to think more of Christ and what his birth has meant to me. But they also make me sad. I decorate my home in hopes that I feel like Christmas when I am home.
I have been missing my mom more and more everyday. I realize that except for a few things I have not really started any traditions with my daughter and she is now 23 so I am trying to start some new ones.
We made cookies for a cookie exchange this year. That was fun
Decorating the tree was fun this year. Even when it fell over because I was trying to straighten it up. The tree stand broke. We now have it tied to window sill with a ribbon so it doesnt stand out to badly. I guess it is 23 years old it is maybe time to get a new one. :( I have been invited to some Christmas activities but because I am in this mood. I dont want to bring others down so I stay home.
Because of car repairs and bills there isnt much under the tree. But.......... I love my daughter, and for her I will smile on Christmas morning and enjoy the day.
